DVD Review - The Keeper

Monday 19th October 2009 saw the release of "The Keeper" on DVD and Blu-Ray, Steven Seagal's newest attempt at remaining a legendary Hollywood ass-kicker.

In The Keeper, Steven Seagal plays an LA cop who after nearly being killed by his greedy partner, flees to New Mexico to work as a bodyguard for the daughter of a wealthy businessman. When mobsters kidnap her, he hunts them down to rescue her and protect her.

I was brought up on Steven Seagal movies, sitting watching arms get broken and knives get thrown into necks with my dad was one of the many highlights of my childhood. In fact I haven't watched a Steven Seagal movie since I was a kid, so to me, those older movies like Marked for Death, Out For Justice, and Nico remain classics in my eyes. Unfortunately, having now seen The Keeper, I have resigned myself to a life of never re-watching those childhood favourites and that resignation is completely out of fear; fear that I will see that Steven Seagal's movies were all in fact terrible just like The Keeper.

I suppose I was hoping that The Keeper would rekindle my love of Seagal's slap happy martial arts, and to an extent it was enjoyable watching the big man break some bones, but it wasn't enough to get any love from me. It's very difficult to enjoy a movie with such absurdly poor acting. It was like watching the world's worst soap opera, it was chock full of wooden speech. It's a sad state of affairs when Steven Seagal is the best actor in a movie.

Even worse than the performances was the soundtrack. Imagine elevator music, or the soundtrack to The Sims playing over a dramatic scene and you've got the soundtrack of The Keeper. Possibly the worst continuous cases of mismatched music I have ever heard.

The movie can't be without praise. I must praise Seagal for still doing what he does. He's not the most energetic of martial artists, but he packs a punch and it's very satisfying watching his particular style of brutality but he ain't half overzealous. I'm not sure a broken arm and a kick to the face is justified by some playful flirting with the girl he's guarding.

This movie is generally a poor exercise in keeping Seagal in circulation. It certainly feels like a sign that he should hang up his three quarter length jacket for good. I can only muster 1 Casey Ryback out of 5 for this one unfortunately.