DVD Review: Knowing

In the interest of fairness I decided to take a different approach when it came to reviewing "Knowing" starring Nicholas Cage on DVD. I did not enjoy it in the slightest when I saw it at the cinema and therefore I decided to pass the reviewing responsibility on to my father by letting him watch it on my behalf and then asking him to provide his views.

To tell you a little about him, he's a 60 year old carpenter, he's a darts player, loves his wine and is a big fan of hollywood blockbusters. What I especially like is his ability to articulate his views, which is clearly evident in the following transcript of our brief discussion about "Knowing".

I must warn you, there are some huge spoliers in this review, so huge they will tell you the end. Unfortunately I can't upload the audio as my dictaphone doesn't allow transfer to a PC, but if it's any consolation, the audio was very funny. Next time I'll do it so that I can provide the audio. Hope you enjoy it though!

Me: What's it about then?

Dad: What's it about?

Me: Yeah?

Dad: Well apparently it was about this err.. I mean... It started off with a woman getting all these, putting this thing in this time capsule for fifty years and before that she created all these numbers mumbo jumbo... and umm... basically... err... actually it didn't actually tell you how it was discovered, the boy sort of noticed it, his son, Nicholas Cage's son. Umm... and it was quite good!... going through it.

Me: But what was it about?

Dad: ... I dunno.

Me: But what...

Dad: Hang on! No I do know what it was about... Somebody that could predict the future with all these numbers...

Me: Right ok

Dad: And err.... No it was to do.... Well

Me: Ok so if I was going to go to the cinema

Dad: You asked me what its about...

Me: [Hypothetically] it's just come out at the cinema, you've seen it, I wanna know what it is I'm about to go and see, you know, whats the basic storyline of it?

Dad: Just some young girl that umm... wrote a load of numbers down predicting disasters... basically. Umm, and... Actually I don't even know it was just... the story was a bit pants!

Me: I'm going to ask you an honest question now Dad... Did you fall asleep?

Dad: No... I didn't... I wish I had done mind you.

Me: So did you like it?

Dad: I like it up to the point of this bloody stupid spaceship at the end! It was like de ja vu again wasn't it!

Me: De ja vu compared to what?

Dad: Bloody Harrison Ford!

Me: You mean Indiana Jones?

Dad: Yeah!

Me:

Dad: You know, it was great. I thought the effects were... you know with that aircraft that came across and the train you know, I thought it was fantastic, I thought, "this is good!" and to a certain degree it was quite eerie but what the stones have got to bloody do with it I don't know cos they just... they just walked on a pile of stones.

What's that gotta do with it, the stones!? What were they connected, what they gotta do with?

Me: What did you think of the special effects?

Dad: They were good, brilliant in fact, the special effects.

Me: What about the acting?

Dad: ... Well I've seen better. But...

Me: Do you think Nicholas Cage suits that sort of film?

Dad: Nah

Me: What action?

Dad: Well it wasn't really action was it?

Me: It was a bit "National Treasure" wasn't it...

Dad: Well I thought he was good in National Treasure to be honest. I thought he was better in National Treasure than in that one.... and the same with that ... that other one... Bangkok what was it called?

Me: Bangkok Dangerous

Me: Now that was rubbish!

Dad: That's another film he's died in [referring to Knowing]

Me: What was the last film he died in?

Dad: Bangkok!

Me: Did he die in Knowing as well, oh yeah he did didn't he.

Dad: Yeah Knowing and Bangkok...

Me: But everyone died in Knowing didn't they.

Dad: Well yeah, yeah.... But I didn't really see the point of picking on... I don't know if it was just them two kids, they probably got lots of other children from other planets or whatever, but why them specific two?

Me: I wondered why if they're such all-powerful aliens, why they needed to bother with the cryptic message, why not just drop down when they needed to and steal kids. What was the point in everything else?

Dad: Yeah but thats what I'm saying, why go back fifty years for this girl to predict these disasters when they aren't gonna be found until fifty years later and there was only two dates left on that list.

Me: That's what I mean, why not just drop down in fifty years time and steal the kids that you want rather than setting up this elaborate...

Dad: Nothing tied in, nothing, because I... It was one of them films where I thought "when you get to the end it's all gonna lock into place... It's all going to fall into place and you're gonna know what its about"

Me: Yeah

Dad: And I didn't to be honest. When that spaceship come and then you see these two kids playing in a field with ten different moons I thought well is that it? That is pants.

Me: What was your favourite bit, what was your best bit?

Dad: Favourite bit?

Me: Yeah

Dad: I thought... my favourite bit, the first bit was when he stopped somewhere and managed to find out they were coordinatesm those numbers, and he got out the car and that aircraft was coming across, that was quite good, the effects. That was probably the best bit but of course then obviously it went onto the train effect.

Me: So what was the worst bit of the film for you?

Dad: The bloody ending!

Me: The ending?...

Dad: The ending was the worst bit.

Me: Right ok, so if you had to give it a mark out of ten what would you give it?

Dad: Four or five maybe.

Me: Four or five?

Dad: Yeah I wouldn't give it more than that

Me: What sort of level of film would you put it at if you could name a few films that were similar?

Dad: It was err... Harrison Ford, the latest one of that.

Me: Indiana Jones?

Dad: Yeah, that.

Umm... there have been others umm... there have been others... what were the other's we've seen and we thought, "that's pretty pants". It's all them sort of films isn't it.

Me: If you had a piece of advice for Nicholas Cage on his choice of films in the future then what would it be?

Dad: Well I'd stay out of action fillms... Having said that and I mean having said that... the best film I've seen him in an action film was Face-Off. He was very good it that, so he can do action films but he's gotta act the role. He thinks he can just pick any sort of script up and just do it. Face-Off was different because it got you into the story and they changed identities and I thought it was brilliant but er... All these films he's going in now are just slapdash, low budget films basically. The script is no, the script is crap if I'm honest.

So there you have it. Knowing reviewed by my father and yes, he has a developed a liking for the phrase "that is pants".